


Look at Me

by china4345



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Discord: Bellamione Cult, F/F, Gen, One Shot, Songfic - sorta, Teacher-Student Relationship
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-10-29
Updated: 2019-10-29
Packaged: 2021-01-06 05:11:08
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,194
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21221126
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/china4345/pseuds/china4345
Summary: Hermione is frustrated.Loosely based on the song Look at Me by Girl's Day.





	Look at Me

**Author's Note:**

> The lyrics are centered and italicized. Those represent Hermione's inner thoughts and feelings throughout the story.

_ ‘I’ve fallen deeply into you _

_ I held my feelings in so much _

_ but why don’t you know? _

_ Because I’m young, _

_ are you pretending not to know?’ _

Hermione was frustrated. 

It was just another day at Hogwarts. She’d woken up and met her friends for breakfast. Reluctantly attended Divination and glided through Potions. It was now time for Defense Against the Dark Arts. The course wasn’t particularly her reason for frustration but more so the professor who taught it. Standing in the middle of the class, clad in all black, the mess of curls pulled back in a ponytail, was Bellatrix Black, formerly Lestrange, but was recently divorced. 

Being one of the first students to enter the class, Hermione took note of the leather pants and corset. Clothes that emphasized all of the woman’s curves. The young Gryffindor had grown to hate days like this one, almost as much as she loved them. No one could really deny the fact that the woman was stunning in every sense of the word. Hermione knew she wasn’t the only one who appreciated the Professor’s dueling attire. Even more particularly, when she started  _ moving _ in that outfit. 

Hermione did not know where her obsession with the older witch came from. Maybe, it was when she first laid eyes on her as a first year during the sorting ceremony. Probably during her second year when Bellatrix had stumbled upon her after she’d accidentally polyjuice herself into a disturbing mix of human and cat. Or perhaps, it was in her third year when she’d received detention for hexing Professor Snape that one time. In her defense, she was trying to save him from a werewolf. Bellatrix had believed her story, of course. Aside from McGonagall and Dumbledore, Professor Black was the only other person to know of the girl’s ownership and usage of a Time Turner that year. They silently agreed to never question the happenings within Hermione’s life during that time period. 

By fourth year, Hermione noticed how much she sought the older witch’s approval. Sure, she did this with all of her Professors but not like this. Over the course of the year, they’d built a sort of friendly teacher/student relationship. She went to Professor Black about her frustrations with her courses or to rant about Harry and Ron slacking on work. Sometimes, Hermione would show up to the woman’s office just to be within her presence. Help her go over first year reports or discuss material she’d been reading from the restricted section. This continued up until her sixth year when the Gryffindor decided that she’ll accept her feelings for the woman. 

Yes, she was young. But she was almost legal age in the Wizarding world. Besides, she’s the smartest witch of her age, if anyone is mature enough to date someone older, then that’d be Hermione. The voices of unsurety were all that held her back from admitting anything. So, the young woman decided to show her interest through actions. 

A smile here, a lingering glance there. Sometimes, if she feels the mood between them is amicable, she’d go in for a hug. To her delight, Professor Black has yet to decline that show of skinship. Hermione was glad. Bellatrix gave warm hugs. They made her feel safe. 

Now a seventh year, her feelings for the woman grew into frustration. She’s been so obvious about her feelings for the woman, even Ron and Harry have taken notice. She shines whenever the woman is mentioned. Lights up within her presence. No matter how terrible her day can go, class or an afternoon in Professor Black’s office always cheered her up. 

She knows that it’s not her sex that’s the issue. Bellatrix freely speaks of her time before marriage. When she too ran the halls of Hogwarts. The many different girls she managed to get into her bed. Her intellect was something to admire. Professor Black once said that Hermione was one of the only people she could enjoy a proper intellectually stimulating conversation with. Hermione can only deduce that it was her age that was the issue. Thus breeding the frustration. 

_ ‘For so long _

_ I’ve been waiting for this moment _

_ But you only treat me _

_ as a younger sister _

_ I hate that’ _

“Where’s your head at, pet?” Hermione jumped as the husky voice of Professor Black brought her out of her mind. Class had started. She wondered how long she was lost in her head, or worse, how long she was seen staring right at the Professor. Blushing she mumbled “Sorry, Professor.” 

“Don’t do it again Granger, now up.” Confused, Hermione looked around, only to notice all the desks except hers were moved aside. “Alright class, while we wait for the Brightest Witch of Your Generation to get her wits together, let me explain what today’s task will be.” 

Hermione scrambled to move her desk hoping to not miss the demonstration. Today, they would be performing mock duels, practicing wordless spell casting. Those in Advanced DADA was already learning wandless magic. Hermione being Hermione was one of those students. In fact, she was the only one in the room and so that’s why Bellatrix says “I want everyone to pair up and one by one each pair will duel. The time limit is ten minutes maximum. Not a sound must leave your mouth as you cast. I will accept whispers or imperceptible murmurs as half of a grade. I will also grade on the strength of the spell cast and whether or not it was neatly done. So, please try not to accidentally take someone’s limb off. I’ll like to not have to write up any reports or escort any of you to Pomfrey. Granger, you’re with me since you’re the only one here learning wandless magic. Same rules apply for you except I will not accept murmurs or whispers. Any sloppy casting will earn you a particularly nasty hex.” 

Nodding, Hermione went and took her position a couple feet away from the Professor. She couldn’t go any closer, she needed to focus on their upcoming mock duel. Her mind was already running itself mad trying to figure the woman out. No matter how much time Hermione would spend with her, she’s still hard to read. Legilimency was out of question and it would be suicidal to try spiking her drink with veritaserum and straight out asking. 

So, there she was. Fighting the conflicting emotions rising within her as one by one she and Bellatrix watched her classmates duel it out. Unsurprisingly, Harry and Draco seemed to both be perfect matches for each other. Their duel was the only one to reach the maximum time limit having reached a stalemate. Not a word was spoken by either boys, the force of each spell cast was the only thing witnessed by the other students. Hermione suspected that Draco knew how to do wandless magic. Professor Black was his aunt, it’d be foolish for him not to be well versed in the Dark Arts. She also knew he wasn’t in the Advanced class because he decided to go into Advanced Potions instead. Same did Harry. 

A round of applause roused Hermione once more. Kicking herself for losing focus, yet again, the young which made a feeble attempt at straightening her clothes before going to stand in front of Professor Black at the center of the room. Wands drawn, alternate hands behind backs, both women bowed. Without thinking, Hermione threw up a wandless silent protego in defense. She tried not to let the small gasps of impressed classmates stroke her ego too much. It was all child’s play considering Professor Black has yet to do anything. 

Hermione tried to keep her frantic heart calm as she watched the dark witch in front of her. Bellatrix was relaxed, more than she ever is while teaching. Her shoulders slumped just a bit, her wand dangled lightly from long fingertips. The other arm was wrapped beneath her breast, supporting the other’s elbow while her hip was cocked. She looked like she didn’t care, to be frank. She probably didn’t, if Hermione was being honest with herself. The woman didn’t even have the decency to wear her signature smirk. 

“On the defensive, huh, Granger? I can see that shield from a mile away. Ameuter.” At this point, Hermione didn’t know what to say in return. Professor Black had taken to walking circles around her. Slow and precise, like a predator assessing its prey. Gulping, Hermione steeled her nerves and fired a silent expelliarmus in hopes of catching the witch off guard. “Oh! An expelliarmus, kitten?! Don’t insult me, now. I know you’ve got better spells in your arsenal. Come at me!” The older woman was practically cackling at the flushed face of her student. The girl was sweating, out of fear or frustration, no one knew nor cared very much. Gripping her wand tighter Hermione tried thinking of a way to make this process faster. Time felt like it was moving unnaturally slow and that was saying a lot for someone who had spent an entire year with a Time Turner. 

  
  


_ ‘All day, I get dolled up _

_ I want to show you like the others _

_ I know everything there is to know, I’m a woman _

_ Don’t you know’ _

“You know something, Granger?” Professor Black stopped pacing around the young girl, eyes locking, in wait of a response. Rolling her eyes, trying to fight the slight annoyance building Hermione humored her with a response “Wouldn’t you need to finish the statement before asking me if I knew something, Professor?” Hermione jumped as a sparks shot out against her shield. She hadn’t seen Bellatrix move an inch. The woman was using wandless magic, gritting her teeth in frustration Hermione muttered “You’re using wandless magic, isn’t that cheating?” Meanwhile, the young gryffindor sent a wordless stupefy towards the woman. With a flick of her wrist, the class watches as their Professor easily deflects the spell with an off hand chuckle. “Cheating? I was just about to mention your wandless shield a cheat as well but I like to keep things even. Now then, how about we drop the pretenses and give these kids a show?” 

Hermione felt her palms grow sweaty at the meaning of her Professor’s words. She could hear faint cheers and hollers from classmates in agreeance to the change in duel. “Since you’re already skilled in wordless magic, you get to try out your wandless as well. Spice things up a bit!” Professor Black was bouncing on her feet now. She was genuinely growing bored with her current duel, knowing how skilled the young witch was, it made no sense to her that she wouldn’t put her all into it. “For every hex I get to hit you or your shield, you lose points. Regain them when any of your hexes land on me. I won’t even put up a shield.” With her trademark smirk on her face, Hermione huffed a sigh and nodded. Not waiting, the young girl sent off a wandless bombarda. Missing the Professor by an inch, the woman had side stepped it, causing the spell to hit a student’s desk. “Now, it’s getting fun!” 

_ Confringo!  _ Another dodge. The woman was practically skipping out of the way. Hermione narrowed her eyes, her anger growing as each spell fired, missed. The force behind them did not lack, same as speed. She was moving as well now. Bellatrix moved a lot for someone who was dueling within such a confined space.  _ Flipendo!  _ A cackle rings out as the woman throws her head back in absolutely amusement. Professor Black had yet to send any new spells at Hermione and as long as she didn’t stop, Hermione hoped there was no opening for the woman to send one. If only she would stop laughing at her. 

_ Slugulus Eructo!  _ At this point, she wasn’t sure what spells she was firing. If it came to mind, she casted it. “Slugs! Really, Hermione? Are we first years?” She cackles and then “So much for being the brightest witch of her age.” At that moment, something broke in Hermione. The rational part of her mind knew that Professor Black meant nothing by her remarks and that she was like this and much worse with students. The frustrated and upset part of her mind however, that begged to differ. The young witch had reached her breaking point and was now seeing red. In her mind, Bellatrix saw her as a child and that angered Hermione to no end. Her stance became more aggressive as each spell cast was mirrored with a step towards the teacher. Wand up and casting a shield around herself, Hermione continued towards her professor. 

Bellatrix had seen the shift in the young woman after her comment. She originally thought nothing of it because it was said in jest, but she realised the same was not said for her student. She noticed the tip of her wand sparking red every couple of seconds as the girl continued hurtling spells at her. Realising with a flick of her wrist that the last spell was an  _ Incendio _ , Bella threw up a shield instead and decided to take the spells head on to avoid any possible accidents. Hermione may not notice, but the strength of her spells had magnified but their accuracy had waned. Someone could actually get hurt if she didn’t take this seriously. 

_ Depulso!  _ A child.  _ Petrificus Totalus!  _ Hermione Granger is no child. 

Sure, she studies and abide by the rules, but that doesn’t make her safe either. She ran into trolls, fought off werewolves, turned time, survived a run in with a Basilisk, dammit! She’s arguably one of the most intelligent witches in the entire castle. Just because she was young did not make her a child. Her maturity spoke volumes since her first year, any fool could see that, so why couldn’t Bellatrix?!  _ Immobulus! _ She was less than five feet from the woman when she sent her final spell. Bellatrix had felt her shield weakening and was in the motion to strengthen it when the time for the duel had ran out and so did the time for the lesson. Unfortunately, Hermione did not hear any of this. The spell hit the woman as everyone was gathering their things to leave. No one wanted to actually see what happened in the end. Hermione only ever got that angry once in a blue moon and many of the students had witnessed that type of anger before and did not want a repeat. Besides, no one wanted to guess what Professor Black’s actual reaction was going to be once Granger did calmed down. 

_ Look at me now, look in my eyes _

_ You can see clearly in front of you _

_ The soft-hearted girl of the past _

_ The childish girl _

_ I’m not her anymore _

“Cast the counter, right this instant miss Granger” Professor Black said calmly as she eyed the young witch. Her frozen form took in the flushed face and wild eyes of the obviously angry student. Confused, Bellatrix tried to ignore that feeling in her to wrap the young girl in her arms and make all her worries go away. “No. Not until you see me.” 

“What are you talking about? I can see you clearly, so just cast the counter while I’m still giving you a chance to.” 

“Not. Until. You. See. Me” Still confused, Bellatrix noticed sparks of magic shooting out of the girl’s wand. Although no longer pointed at her, it was still dangerous to have the young woman’s anger power her magic. Sighing, Bellatrix looked Hermione in the eyes and said “Pet, what’s the problem? Remove the spell and we can sit down and talk this through. Let me be there for you.” Hermione shook her head at the suggestion. She didn’t want to sit down and talk anything out with the older witch. Without thinking, Hermione strode right upto Bellatrix and before the older woman could react, kissed her. 

Bella’s mind short circuited at the sudden pressure on her lips. Realising what was happening, the woman casted the counter for her bind and shoved the young witch away from her. She was confused, among other things. She was the girl’s professor. Yes, they had grown close over the years. Yes, she regarded the young witch as her equal, even if she never explicitly told her, but this couldn’t be happening. Immediately warding the room to avoid any possible disruptions, Bellatrix turned to the young girl with a glare. “What you just did was unacceptable, Miss Granger. I should have it in my mind to report such a stunt to your house head. What in the bloody hell were you thinking?”

Hermione was standing in the same place Bellatrix had shoved her with her fingers tracing her lips. The little lion was lost in her mind, revelling in the feel and taste of the woman she loved. For a brief second, all the anger and frustration she had felt, disappeared the moment she kissed the older witch. Bellatrix on the other hand grew irritated with the girl’s silence. “When I ask you a question, I expect an answer.” Making her way to her desk, Bellatrix summoned a chair for Hermione across from her. “Sit.” She ordered while reaching into the drawer underneath her desk for her flask of firewhiskey. She usually didn’t drink during school hours but her mind was currently swamped with thoughts of that kiss and what it meant, she needed something to dull it. “No” Hermione responded. Her anger flaring back up with the same intensity prior to the kiss at the older witch’s tone. She was speaking to her like she was a child and it was going to end now, Hermione decided. 

Taking a swig from her flask, Bellatrix sneered at the girl, her patience running low “Sit down and explain to me why I shouldn’t go to McGonagall about this.” She smirked as she watched Hermione stiffen at the mention of Gryffindor Head of House. Of course, she had no actual intentions of notifying anyone about what happened today, she just wanted to speed things up so that she could escape to her private chambers to process it all. “So.....?”

Clenching her fists, Hermione locked eyes with the witch and said “I wanted you to see me.” She let out a sigh, glad her voice didn’t fail her. She was struggling with keeping it leveled, not wanting to yell but not speaking so softly that it sounds like she’s afraid of the woman. 

“See you. You keep saying that. What are you talking about?” Bellatrix sighed. Gulping more of her whiskey the woman gestured for the younger witch to continue her explanation because it still made no sense to her.

_ Look at me now, look what you see _

_ I’m a beautiful lady _

_ Please, love me _

_ Right now, all day, all night, _

_ tell me I’m yours _

“You don’t see me. Not in the way I want to be seen.” Hermione’s anger was building again and so the young girl took to pacing back and forth while she spilled her emotions out. “I have been so obvious about my....  _ Affections  _ towards you, how can you possibly not see what I feel?! At first, I thought that maybe I was reading our interactions incorrectly. That maybe this was just a school girl crush and with time it would go away. No! I see it when you look at me sometimes. I feel the heat rush over my body whenever we hug. The butterflies in my stomach whenever you say my name or call me pet.” 

Bellatrix froze. From what she was gathering from her upset student was that the young woman had mistaken her friendly affections for something more. That Hermione has grown to feel for her. The older woman felt her heart thud painfully in her chest at the thought of such a bright and young witch choosing her to feel this way about. She couldn’t allow the girl to throw her life away hoping for something in return. 

“Hermione.....” Bella finished the rest of her fire whiskey in one big mouth full hoping to take control of this situation. Her mind was working overtime trying to fully comprehend what was actually happening while struggling to handle the situation in a way that won’t destroy the young woman in front of her. “Hermione, I am your Professor. You know that whatever feelings I could possibly have for you are strictly professional. I’m sorry bu--” In the blink of an eye, the young witch was inches away from Bellatrix again. Hands slamming onto the woman’s desk, Hermione was seeing red, furious. She couldn’t accept that. That was bullshit. Something was telling her that this woman was not being completely truthful about her feelings. “Don’t lie to me! Our relationship hasn’t been strictly professional since my fifth year when you allowed me to visit you in your private quarters. Even if this wasn’t a confession, we had a genuine friendship Bellatrix. Don’t sit there and try to make it seem as if nothing has been going on between us outside of this classroom.” 

Breathing heavily, Hermione doesn’t notice her wand sparking with magic as she leans further into Bellatrix. She tried to keep her voice even throughout the conversation but it was a fail. If she was going to tell her Professor how she felt, then she couldn’t let something as volume stop her. Plus, yelling felt good. These feelings being silenced and ignored within herself were finally breaking free. “I love you, Bellatrix Black. You’re strong, fierce, wickedly intelligent, hypnotizing with a wand, and heart stoppingly beautiful. You’re the first thing that comes to my mind when I wake up and the last thing I think about before I fall asleep. I enjoy our late night conversations on magical theory and how we would jokingly duel whenever I said something that annoyed you. I love it when you let me hug you after I had a particularly rough day with the boys and their shenanigans. You let me come to you about all of my troubles when there is no one else to turn to. I care for you. When you were having issues with your family and did not know who to talk to about them. I became that place of safety for you. Don’t forget how much you thanked me for listening to your stories and helping you figure out your worries. We’re so much more than just  _ friends _ , Professor.” Bellatrix winced at venom in which Hermione spat the word. It was all too much. Her student shouldn’t have fell for her. Not now, not for her of all people. Bellatrix did not do well with emotions. 

_ Look at me now, please look what you see, please _

_ On dark nights, I only think of you _

_ If I try to look more pretty _

_ And get involved with other guys, you’ll be upset _

She didn’t even realise she had started crying until she choked on a sob. Wiping furiously at her face while trying to calm her nerves, Hermione finally pulled back from the older woman. “If you didn’t feel anything for me, then why say what you did when I came to you about Ron wanting to further our friendship? What about Cormac?! Did you forget how angry you’d gotten when you witnessed him corner me in the library trying to get me to agree to go on a date with him? I didn’t. You were all puffed up chest and raging pride. Like a damn alpha coming to rescue their mate. You had actually growled at the poor boy and had I not pulled you away, you probably would have hexed him into the new year as well.” Sniffling, Hermione stared defiantly into Bellatrix’s eyes. She may be a teary mess right now, but she wasn’t going to let the woman get out of this easily. She would let her face her feelings for the young girl today. 

“Remember how flushed I was when you first told me about your escapades among these very walls when you were a student? How jealous I became whenever you mentioned your ex-husband. The reason why you started calling me Kitten was because of how I would hiss in displeasure whenever Rodolphus was mentioned in the conversation. You had said that my jealousy was adorable, cute even. You continued calling me that until it stuck because of how annoyed I would get whenever you called me it. Do you remember that one day during my fourth year, when I came to you crying because some Slytherins hexed my muggle hoodie to catch on fire and it was a favorite of mine. When I broke down and swore that there was no point in wearing my muggle clothes because they would just keep getting ruined and you talked sense into me. You had sat me down and told me not to pay any attention to what those fools thought and that I should be proud of who I was and where I came from. Then showed me how to charm all of my clothes so that they were incapable of catching on fire. You probably didn’t expect for me to hear but as I was leaving I heard you whisper out how much you liked seeing me in them.” 

Bellatrix was slowly giving up thinking at this point in the conversation. It was just too much being said and she couldn’t keep up with the young woman’s fragile emotional state nor was she able to refute any of her claims. She hadn’t expected her to pay such close attention to their interactions. She assumed that these feelings of Hermione’s were new, but from what she’s hearing, the girl has liked her for some while now. Did she feel the same though? The girl was no fool and as much as Bellatrix loathes to admit it, the incident with McLaggen in the library had placed many things into perspective for her. In retrospect she can now call what she did an act of jealousy. Seeing the boy standing so close to an obviously uncomfortable Hermione, caressing her cheek and neck the way he was, it all drove a blinding rage through her. She had acted on impulse more so than rational thought. Had Hermione not dragged her out of there, the boy was looking to spend the rest of the semester with Pomfrey. Blinking, Bellatrix looks at Hermione as if it’s the very first time she’s seeing the girl. No longer was she a bushy haired, wide eyed first year eager to please. No, in front of her sat a beautiful, strong and highly intelligent young woman. Bellatrix felt her heart pound at the sight of pouted lips and glassy eyes. Her breath stopped as she deciphered the look held within those brown orbs. How did it come to this? She doesn’t want to hurt the girl. She can’t find it in her to willingly destroy that look of absolute love and adoration in the young woman. Frowning, Bellatrix closed her eyes. All of this was bringing on a headache. 

_ When I fall in love, I become a fool _

_ But if I hide this heart, I’ll hurt even more _

_ So I’ll tell you _

Taking the silence from the older woman and the frown on her face as rejection once again, Hermione feels desperation make an appearance. She just needed her to think about it. They could make this work. They were perfect for each other, she knows it.

“Bella, please!” she gasps. 

“Just think about it. Yes, I am your student. But this is my final year. I’ll be legal in all sense of the word once I leave Hogwarts. We can keep our friendship the way it is while I’m still here. The last thing I ever wanted to do is jeopardize your job. I just couldn’t keep going on without making it clear how I felt, however. These feelings have been eating me up inside and I love you too much to avoid you because of them.” Taking Bellatrix’s hands into her own, Hermione continued “I know you feel the same way for me, Bella. It’s in your eyes. Whether you admit it to yourself or not. I mean something to you. Just please, try. I can wait until you’re ready.” 

“I’m more than twenty years older than you, Hermione. Why me?” Bellatrix whispers. She feels exhausted, this entire conversation seems to have taken any energy she had from her. You’re so young and beautiful, any witch or wizard would be honored to have you as their partner, so why me? A divorced school teacher who is old enough to pass as your mother. And let’s not discuss my temper either. You shouldn’t have to struggle through those with me. I’m not good for you Hermione. I would only hold you back.” 

Hermione rolled her eyes. She hated this meek, self deprecating Bellatrix that was in front of her. Who would have thought discussing their feelings would have made her so timid. “Do you hear yourself?! You’re Bellatrix Black from the Noble House of Black. One of the strongest witchest in Wizarding London. No matter how old you are, there will always be someone out there willing to be with you. You just never let them get close enough for it to become a possibility. But you’ve let me in, Bella! You let me get to know you and be there for you. And now I’m telling you that I would like to do that in a more personal manner than just a friend caring for another friend. Let me do that.” 

Hermione leaned forward and placed a soft kiss on the woman’s lips. Chaste but meaningful. A kiss promising much more in the future. She chuckled when Bellatrix leaned forward following her lips as she pulled away. Her day had been an emotional rollercoaster. Leaning her forehead on Bella’s, she whispered “Promise me that you will think about all that I’ve said today? I don’t need an answer now. But just know, when I graduate Miss Black, I will be looking forward to it. There won’t be any excuses then.” 

Giving the woman a hug, Hermione went to grab her books and bag preparing to leave. Stopping while at the door, Hermione turned back to catch Bellatrix watching her fixedly. With a grin, she winked at the older woman and blew her a kiss before walking out of the door. “Just think about it,  _ Professor” _

Hermione chuckled as she heard a soft thud and a groan from Bellatrix as the door closed behind her. Her day had started off tense and had gotten even worse as her emotions reached their climax, but she doesn’t regret it anymore. It felt really good admitting these things to the woman she loves and she knows that Bellatrix loves her back. She’s no seer but she’s hardly ever wrong about things and after today, Hermione was looking forward to her future with the older witch. 

**Author's Note:**

> So, this has been sitting in my files folder for a couple of months now and I knew where I wanted it to go originally but this is how it ended. I don't really like it but it needed to be done at some point so that I could go back to my other stories. Still, I hope you guys enjoyed it. Any critiques or comments, please feel free to share them. I'm all ears!!


End file.
